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Women Know Women

Women know women.  Most women would probably agree with that statement, for a lot of reasons.  On this particular day, however, I feel compelled to write about it.

My friend Beth, whom I met nearly twenty years ago, was one of those people who could see right through you, and read you instantly.  We met on my first day of work at a facility where she had already been employed for over ten years.  I was there to fill out paperwork only, but she invited me to a luncheon for which she had an extra ticket.  During those three hours together, we learned that we had much in common.  We were avid sports fans, liberal democrats, University of Florida College of Journalism Graduates and “foodies.”   She and I even lived only five houses away in the same neighborhood, albeit at different times in our lives.

We also learned our differences.  I love theater and music; she wasn’t a big fan.  She adored discussing politics, and because of the great divide in my household, I did not.  She collected Beanie Babies to distraction (or at least I thought so, until she gave me one named “Hope” when my Dad was dying); I collected camels and recipes.

After working with Beth for a very short time, she knew me better than I knew myself.  In fact, she asked me a question, after working with me only five weeks, which floored me.  She said, “Was your father very hard on you?”  Yes, indeed, he was.  I still don’t know fully how she knew that, even after years of pondering.   I can only surmise that it was because of the one great difference between Beth and me.

Beth Amy was a strong, confident, out-going and outspoken woman.  She lived her life on her terms.  In fact, when she first took ill, she told me that no matter what the outcome, she had no regrets.

I, on the other hand, until most recently, was far from confident and out-spoken.  I had a severe problem with self-confidence and self-esteem.  Beth probably figured out my personality flaws were a result of a flawed father-daughter relationship.  I know that now, and understand my father’s path and accept that people do the best can with what they’ve got.  Both Beth and my father would be happy to see the woman into whom I’ve unfolded.

Besides teaching me almost everything I know about Special Events, Beth taught me how to be flexible, to “punt,” as she put it, to stand up for myself, and to not be so hard on myself.  She taught me how to laugh at myself.  She also taught how to live with myself.

Beth passed away this morning, after a valiant clash with cancer.  Beth knew me.  I believe she loved me.  I loved her.

Because women know women.

 

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2017 in General, Phase 2

 

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Mindsight vs. Hindsight – Dear Beth, Thank you.

It took me a long time to learn that whatever decisions we make in life, are ones that we, alone, must live with.  There may be lessons learned from those decisions.  Whether large or small, physical, financial or emotional, there are often ramifications or consequences.

I had to make one of those decisions yesterday.  In short, I had to decide whether or not to visit an old friend in the hospital or not.  I should clarify it to say that she was not just in the hospital, but in a nursing home, in Hospice care.  She’s dying.  In fact, she was, at the time I saw her yesterday, fairly close to the end.

My decision to visit her wasn’t an easy one.  Seventeen years ago, I watched my father die a slow, agonizing death over the span of three and a half months.  I visited him nearly every day on my lunch hour, through the compassion of my employer at the time, and by so doing, I watched him die just a little bit every day.  The result of this experience left extremely stunning visual images in my head… images that took me years to replace with the sweet memories I have of him today.

I fought with myself as to whether I wanted to do the right thing, say my final goodbyes and offer love and support to her beautiful family.  If I chose to do that, the last memory I would create in my mind would be that one of her as she is today.  If I chose not to go, and do the wrong thing, it would have been selfish, leaving me with vibrant, full-of-life memories of my dear friend. It would have also left me with a raging case of guilt and remorse.

Hindsight is twenty-twenty.  I don’t want to ever have to look back again, and feel as though I didn’t give all of myself to the people who mean the most to me.  I want my “mindsight” to be remorse-free and guilt-free.  With all that being said, I did visit my friend.  I don’t even know if she knew I was there.

I know I was there.

I love you, Beth.  I always will.

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2017 in General, Uncategorized

 

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Flashbacks!

Standing in the doorway with the sun sneaking through the slats in the window shades, I couldn’t help but lose myself in flashbacks to older days.  The light danced around the room, stopping briefly on moments in time… moments that will forever be in my heart and mind, but will ultimately fade as new memories nudge them deeper into the elevator crevices of my aging intellectual lore.

My daughter filled that room with those memories. She created them. In three days, we, my husband and I will walk her down the aisle and give her hand to a man with whom she will create a new life, and new memories.

In the middle of the floor, on the bright red carpet, we sat, cross-legged, cutting out flowers from a magazine for a collage on which she was working.  Many nights I climbed into bed and lay down next to her and just talked until she could fall asleep (if she wasn’t visiting me in my room).  I can’t remember how many times I sat on the edge of her bed listening to a problem with a friend, or a new Backstreet Boys song. We must have spent hours doing art projects on that floor, even before, when the carpet was aqua colored.

She had decorated the room herself from floor to ceiling herself, with excellent taste, when we offered her the opportunity to do so as a reward for taking the smaller bedroom when we first moved into our present home. She was ten, but had a remarkable ability to make the best out of every situation. She still has that attribute.

The color scheme had changed when she was away on a school trip to Boston, the room transformed to her Coca-Cola theme. Her brother, father and I spent every evening making that happen in three short nights. It seemed to me that was when the door of that room began to slam more, and would remain closed most of the time. Middle School will have that effect.

Over the years, her room was always cluttered. In the aqua days, I would find little girl things: games, stuffed animals, candy wrappers and the like. As she grew into a young woman, her interests changed and so did the clutter. There were running shoes and clothes, make-up, community service awards, art supplies and books. The food wrappers had changed too. There were granola bars, protein bars and vegetarian snacks wrappers now.  Don’t misunderstand, there was still chocolate.  And there were still a few of her favorite stuffed animals. Now, additionally however, there was a vast collection of Coca-Cola memorabilia.

The room has been as she left it almost ten years ago. Empty, except for occasional visits.  The memories remain, sometimes haunting, sometimes tickling my heart. My daughter has, does, and will always have a large part of my heart.  As she enters into this marriage, I know she will bring as much joy to her husband and new family as she has to me. As for me, I’ll likely find myself standing in her doorway, remembering, and having flashbacks.

 
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Posted by on January 3, 2017 in General

 

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Hello Fellow Bloggers

Thanks for your patiences as I honed my skills.  I am thrilled to tell you all that my first book, “A Life, Well… Lived!” is doing very well, and I am quite far into my second endeavor… (working title: “Okay, So I Lied”)

In the future, I will be blogging mostly, now, on my new website, J T Fisher Author.

I also have a Facebook Page, a Pinterest Page, and a GoodReads Page.  You can find them all or you can contact me through the website.

Its been fun… keep writing.

Judy

 
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Posted by on December 23, 2016 in General

 

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Count Your Blessings!

I watched “White Christmas” last night. I love “White Christmas.” That’s a strange statement for me to make, because firstly, I don’t even celebrate the holiday. Secondly, I live in South Florida so that fact, coupled with the threat of global warming, makes the likelihood of me seeing snow tomorrow highly doubtful.

I watch that movie every year simply because I love the music… one song in particular: Count Your Blessings. In my “older” age, I’ve learned to be grateful for what I already have, and look at them as blessings rather than burdens. A car that won’t start because of a dead battery is still a car. A long line at the grocery store checkout is not a problem when you have a full basket and the money to pay for it. Sitting in a traffic jam rather than being involved in the accident that is holding everyone up… that is a blessing. It’s also an opportunity to be grateful.

So, with all due respect to the sheep, I do, indeed fall asleep (if I’m lucky enough to do so before my husband starts snoring) counting my many blessings. Best wishes for a happy and healthy holiday season to all.

 
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Posted by on December 23, 2016 in General, Phase 2

 

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Out of Hibernation

Judith T Fisher's Blog

One would think that late fall is the wrong time to emerge from hibernation.  One would be right.  The weather is getting colder, the food resources are more scarce.  I do, however, have a good reason for showing my face (or my blog) after a lengthy slumber.

I’ve been engaged in a laborious process, albeit a labor of love, and hereby present my first attempt at a short novel.  While I have had a wonderful time blogging for the past few years; while I have appreciated all of my followers and thoroughly enjoyed reading so much quality writing here at WordPress, I wanted to spread my wings.

I have a new website, where I have begun blogging (WordPress as well), at www.jtfisherauthor.com but even more exciting, I have released my first novel!

It was originally based on some of the direction my blog was taking me, and evolved 747632_mockup1_coverinto fiction…

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Posted by on December 13, 2016 in General

 

Out of Hibernation

One would think that late fall is the wrong time to emerge from hibernation.  One would be right.  The weather is getting colder, the food resources are more scarce.  I do, however, have a good reason for showing my face (or my blog) after a lengthy slumber.

I’ve been engaged in a laborious process, albeit a labor of love, and hereby present my first attempt at a short novel.  While I have had a wonderful time blogging for the past few years; while I have appreciated all of my followers and thoroughly enjoyed reading so much quality writing here at WordPress, I wanted to spread my wings.

I have a new website, where I have begun blogging (WordPress as well), at www.jtfisherauthor.com but even more exciting, I have released my first novel!

It was originally based on some of the direction my blog was taking me, and evolved 747632_mockup1_coverinto fiction along the way.  I hope you’ll give it a read.  Currently it is available in Hard and Cover at: Life Rich Publishing/Reader’s Digest , or Amazon , and soon to be available for e-readers.

I’d love some feedback from my original community!

Write on!!!!!

 

 
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Posted by on November 18, 2016 in General

 
 
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