Hello old friend. Its been awhile. I have discovered that I need to be at one extreme or the other to be able to write with any lucidity. Words don’t come to me in a stream of consciousness that makes any sense when I’m on an even keel and caught up in my every life. They only seem to flow when I am extremely high or extremely low, because I am usually self-centered during those times, and that’s when I write best. A conundrum, indeed, for me right now. I think I am happier than I’ve been in a very long time, yet more fearful of tomorrow.
My son took a bride on Saturday night. I am thrilled, as I have loved her as my own for many years now. The anticipation and excitement leading up to this day, since the announcement of their engagement on New Year’s Eve, has provided an awesome array of emotions. Their meticulous planning resulted in an exquisite affair, elegant and understated, charming and sweet. Their love was almost palpable during the ceremony, and the celebration that followed was classic, and as the mother of the bride stated, one of the true special moments in a parent’s life.
Therein lies my “conundrum.” Now what? I already promised not to pressure them for grandchildren. My daughter has her own agenda, and while we will celebrate her earning her masters degree in December, it may be awhile before we start planning a wedding. I have spent a lifetime “marking time,” and anticipating the next big thing to which I can look forward.
My son’s answer was simple, as he agreed with my therapist, but then again, he is becoming a seasoned mental health professional, himself. They both said, “Make something up.”
So I’m writing again.