Moody Judy Strikes Back

The Truth About Me

Living with an undiagnosed mental health condition can be incredibly challenging, and the effects can be far-reaching. For one individual, a diagnosis of cyclothymic personality disorder came later in life, after 50 years of living with the condition untreated.

At the age of 15, I began to experience symptoms of cyclothymic personality disorder. This condition is characterized by mood swings that are less severe than those associated with bipolar disorder but still interfere with daily life. Individuals with cyclothymic personality disorder may experience periods of hypomania, which can include elevated mood, increased energy, and impulsive behavior. These periods are often followed by periods of depression, which can include feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and fatigue. People just didn’t want to be around me, including Margie Hirschman, who left me behind on purpose for an evening off from working at a summer camp (because I’m ‘always sad or moody’).

For me, these symptoms manifested in different ways throughout my life. At times, I would feel incredibly productive and energized, taking on multiple projects at once and feeling like I could conquer the world. Other times, I would feel completely drained and unable to complete even the simplest tasks. I struggled to maintain relationships, often pushing people away during my depressive episodes. I also had difficulty holding down a job, my mood swings made it challenging to stay focused and motivated.

Unfortunately, I did not receive treatment for my condition until much later in life. This was a direct result of the stigma of mental health. after receiving the diagnosis in the 1970s, I was basically told not to mention it in a job interview, and certainly don’t tell the young men I might date. Neither of my parents felt it was necessary to do anything, feeling as though I was just a typical moody teenager.

As a result, I experienced significant negative impacts on my personal and professional relationships, as well as my mental health. Studies have shown that individuals with untreated cyclothymic personality disorder are at an increased risk of developing more severe mood disorders, such as bipolar disorder and major depressive disorder. They may also be more likely to engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse or self-harm.

To be clear, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder ten years later, I am a recovering alcoholic, (off and on for 18 years), and just 15 years ago, I was finally diagnosed with bipolar 2. There were periods of suicidal ideation as well as episodes of self-harm, including but not limited to cutting and burning.

It’s important to note that my experience is not unique. Many individuals with mental health conditions struggle to receive timely diagnoses and appropriate treatment. This can be due to a variety of factors, including stigma, lack of access to mental health services, and a lack of understanding of the signs and symptoms of mental illness. In the 1970s, mental health was not at the forefront of the medical community’s focus. In fact, it was almost an embarrassment to be stigmatized by something like that. At least, in retrospect, that’s how my parents made me feel.

For those who may be struggling with undiagnosed mental health conditions, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. There are many resources available, including mental health professionals, support groups, and online resources. By taking the first step towards getting help, individuals can begin to manage their symptoms and improve their overall quality of life.

In conclusion, living with an undiagnosed mental health condition can significantly negatively impact an individual’s life, relationships, and overall health. And for heaven’s sake, make sure those closest to you understand. Do not be ashamed. I lost my relationship with my daughter over this because she unapologetically and unforgivingly judged me by things I said or did, never knowing anything about me or my past. She was partly to blame for setting up strict boundaries that I couldn’t cross, but as her parent, I could have been more direct. She hasn’t seen me in three and a half years or spoken to me civilly in two and a half years. When she didn’t call me after the passing of my own mother, I stopped trying, because clearly, she doesn’t have compassion for someone like me.

For those who may be struggling, it’s important to seek help and support as soon as possible. By doing so, individuals can take control of their mental health and begin to live a happier, healthier life.