Day dreaming, for me, has become my great escape. There was a time in my life when other things were my way of gaining attention, avoiding unpleasant situations or simply numbing myself to the harshness of the world. Today, I can happily say that my path is well defined and much, much safer.
Most little girls dream of being movie stars or brides. I didn’t have that luxury. I was a kid who was self-absorbed and fearful, self-doubting and uneasy, insecure and apprehensive. I tried too hard to fit in, and it never seemed to work. The only place I was comfortable was on the stage in a play, and I was good, but then, I was acting as if I was somebody else. Singing into a brush with me as the only audience…
There were very few people who understood and accepted all of this in me. My parents had to. It was a time when emotional and mental health in children was not on the front pages. They didn’t recognize it and they didn’t know to help. If they did know, they didn’t know how. Making angels in the snow, but knowing they would melt away…
As a young adult, when my theater days were behind me, I took to drinking. A lot… Not a good solution. There were very few dreams then. Mostly nightmares…
I stumbled through a few years of this, maintaining a job, a marriage and parenting. Somehow I emerged unscathed legally, financially, professionally and my marriage intact. I had a guardian angel that interrupted my path. This was no snow angel. It was someone who reminded me that it was okay to dream again. It was then that the artist in me began to unfold. I started work in mosaics, and the pieces began to come together…
The daydreams today are no longer filled with angst and fear. Worry doesn’t take me to dark places. In fact, since I live in Florida, there is no opportunity to make those snow angels. I write, I sing, I play musical instruments, I read, and I cook. I also have a new pastime. My nephew used to do this with my mother. I’ve taken to lying in the grass and being at one with nature. Staring at the sky, I try to see what the clouds look like. Yesterday, I saw a lobster in the sky.
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